Tips for Writing Meaningful and Worthwhile Sentences

Tuesday, August 18, 2015 Word Choice No comments

It’s the summer of ’15, and the song “Things Happen” by Dawes is getting significant airplay on my local radio station. If you haven’t heard it, tune in to the video at 1:31, 2:18, and 3:09:

Did you catch the refrain? “Things happen; that’s all they ever do.” The first time I heard it, my brow crinkled. I thought, Well, that’s technically true, but does it really need to be said? And Couldn’t they have written more compelling lyrics? Despite these thoughts, I’ve been singing the song all summer, so maybe it has achieved its purpose. Things happened to me indeed.

The song settled in my brain beside the memory of an old Dunkin’ Donuts advertising campaign. Check out the commercial below. The jingle “doing things is what I like to do” is similarly catchy but also meaningless. What are these things? Why does the writer/actor/Dunkin’ Donuts coffee drinker like to do them?

Then I thought of Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off,” with the redundant line “players gonna play, play, play, play, play and haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.”

While there might be a purpose for these hollow phrases in pop culture, in academic writing, they just cause frustration and confusion. After all, in an essay, you do not have the amazing vocal range, instrumentation, or attitude; you just have words on a page that should resonate with readers and compel them to continue. If readers start to think Huh? or—worse yet—Duh! after a particular sentence, then you have lost them and your essay won’t get the attention it deserves.

In the Writing Center, we often talk about the paragraph as the unit of power in an essay. Today I want to take that discussion even narrower, to sentences and to individual words. A paragraph is only as meaningful as its parts. Let’s look at some examples.

Sentences that are too broad

In today’s society, education is an important topic.

This sentence is likely the first one in a student’s paper. The student wants to guide the reader into the essay’s subject matter carefully, with some background. I can see that. However, in this case, the sentence is just too general. What exactly is “today’s society”? Sure, education is an important topic, but what aspect of education? The keys for revision are to (a) determine a subtopic and (b) make the reader care.

Possible revision to narrow the focus: Because of the steady decline in U.S. high school graduation rates over the past 10 years (Smart, 2015), New York school administrators have developed greater retention efforts.

I used a variety of counseling tools on many occasions.

Like the previous example, this sentence does not tell me much. What are these tools? How were they used, and when precisely? As a reader, I want to grab hold of an idea and sink my teeth into it. This kind of sentence leaves me gnawing at air.

Possible revision to narrow the focus: As a counselor, I used active listening, open-ended questions, and eye contact in my initial interviews with clients.

Sentences that are unnecessary

Nurses have a plethora of knowledge about nursing.

The student in this example is essentially saying that nurses nurse (similar to Swift’s “haters gonna hate”). In a revision, more specific aspects of nursing should be conveyed so that the reader sees the true power of this nursing knowledge.

An employee is defined as “a person who works for another person or for a company for wages or a salary” (“Employee,” 2015, para. 1).

Chances are, an educated reader will already know what an employee is, so this definition is not needed. Sometimes it can be hard to determine what kind of knowledge a reader brings to your material. You should trust that a reader will understand common concepts in everyday adult life.

Imprecise words to watch out for

Thing and stuff. These words can refer to such a wide range of circumstances and contexts that you should eliminate them.

Many or most. How many is many? Replacing these adjectives with numbers aids precision.

Nowadays. This term can mean 2015, the past 20 years, or sometime in between. In revision, pick a precise year or time frame.

These problematic sentences and words might be easier to locate in other people’s writing than your own. That is because you approach others’ text without any specialized knowledge or attachment. Eventually, though, with practice, you will be able to assess your own writing for these overly broad or unnecessary sentences.

Practice: I challenge you to write a rough draft of your next assignment and then leave it on your computer for a day or two. Return to the document with fresh eyes and scrutinize the phrasing, looking for some of the indicators I have addressed in this post. How could you infuse those sentences with greater power? Share your thoughts and findings in the comments!

Word Choice | Walden University Writing Center Blog

This month, we're discussing word choice on the blog and podcast. To catch up on what you missed, check out WriteCast Episode 24: Why Word Choice Matters and Matt's post on abolishing imperatives.

Hillary Wentworth, a writing instructor and the coordinator of undergraduate writing initiatives, has worked in the Walden Writing Center since 2010. She enjoys roller-skating, solving crossword puzzles, and basking in the summer sun. She lives in Minneapolis.