My Personal Journey With Microsoft Word

By Julia Cox, Writing Consultant

Amid the emotional maelstrom of my third grade year—which included maddening multiplication tables, a painful introduction to cursive writing, and one truly subpar season of TV’s Friends—I met Microsoft Word.

Greeted by the exuberant paperclip assistant “Clippy” (a 1990s animation retired after Windows 95), I knew my days of handwritten assignments and crayon embellishments were coming to an end.  I had to pick myself up by the fuchsia overall strap and soldier on—into the territory of word processing.

Microsoft Word has been my fair-weather companion for over 15 years now. Even though I grew up with the program, it still manages to throw me a curve ball at the worst of moments.  To possibly lend some support, or maybe just tell a fellow sufferer’s tale, I have enumerated a top 5 list of MS Word annoyances.

Clippy

Top 5 Microsoft Word Grievances 

5. (Lack of) font choice. There many options, but only a few are accepted in academic settings (Times New Roman, Cambria, etc).  Take it from me—Monotype Corsiva will not impress your instructors as a creative flourish.

4. Page numbering. In most style guides (APA included), the cover page is not supposed to be numbered. Yet Microsoft Word is fiercely committed to numbering that page.  I’ve learned this issue can be circumvented in the options menu, or through a section break.

3. Grammar check. In my opinion, this tool does more harm than good, as its presets don’t always match with Standard Written English.

2. File formats. Somewhere around 2008, Microsoft decided the file extension .doc wasn’t cool enough and invented .docx.  .Docx literally does not compute on older machines. You can still save in .doc on new computers, but you have to select from a drop down box.

1. Autocorrect.  Way before smartphone texting, Microsoft Word implemented a little tool called Autocorrect, the Pandora’s Box of diction disasters. A psychological journey is not the same as a physiological journey, and cheetah does not equal Cheeto. (Even more saddening: specialized nouns like Cheeto only get into your Word dictionary if you enter them. A sampling of other words I’ve added over the years: iPhone, Pizza Hut, and Beyoncé.)

I’m sure many of you, like me, have encountered all of these grievances. Perhaps the most depressing truth surrounding Microsoft Word is the impossibility of escape. Even if you buy a Mac, you will only encounter a slightly modified foe: Word for Mac.

Ultimately, it’s best to just accept the reality that Microsoft Word will be a persistent, addling companion until your diploma is on the wall.  Luckily, the Writing Center has put together some tips for taming the beast. You can also check out official Microsoft troubleshooting tips here.